When it's heavier than a kink

We write about how to live this and bring it into a relationship. We're not therapists, and nothing on this site is medical or mental health advice. If something here is stirring up more than you can carry, please reach out to someone trained for it.

If you're in crisis right now

• In the US: call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time.
• Anywhere else: findahelpline.com lists free, confidential lines by country.

Questions about gender identity

For some people, dressing turns out to be about more than clothes. If that's where you are, you deserve support from people who know this ground, not a kink guide. Trans Lifeline is a peer support line run by and for trans people, and it's a good place to start even if you're only asking questions.

Finding a therapist who won't flinch

• Kink & Poly Aware Professionals (KAP): a directory of therapists, doctors and other professionals who are kink-aware.
• NCSF: how to find a sex-positive therapist, including what to ask on the first call.
• Psychology Today's therapist finder, where you can filter by issue, including sex therapy and LGBTQ+.

For couples

If the two of you keep getting stuck in the same place, a couples or sex therapist can help both of you feel heard. Going isn't a sign it's broken. Plenty of solid couples go just to learn how to talk about it.

And if you just need to feel less alone, start with the free posts on Patreon. A lot of men have been exactly where you are.